some days I think I’m perfectly fine
Because I can get out of bed everyday. I don’t feel like I did before when I just never wanted to face the world.
I’m struggling to find a point to all this.
To life. And I know that there’s no big mission for me, and that life doesn’t have a point, it just is, but I’m still searching for a reason to keep doing what I’m doing.
I have trouble keeping an interest in anything. I’m not all that attached to the the people in my life. I don’t really enjoy anything.
And whenever I start thinking about the future it’s terrifying because I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I want to do, because I don’t want anything. Nothing. There’s no big goal for me. Sitting here, trying to think of anything that I truly want…all I want is to be happy, but I’m not. I’m just average, everyday. Not too sad, but definitely not excited or happy.
I’m doing what I’m doing everyday because it’s what’s expected of me. Because people need certain things from me. Not because I enjoy it or look forward to it.
I don’t know how to fix this. I know that something has to change, but I don’t know what. Where I am? I felt this exact way back in Fukuoka. Without a purpose. Do I need to change what I’m doing? How?
I just have this feeling that I need a purpose. I need something that needs me. But there’s no big purpose out there for me. This isn’t a book or a movie where only the main character can save the girl or the world. It’s just reality.